peterdunham:

Schmidt: Hey Jess. I brought you some tea. I’m just gunna leave it right here okay. There you go. So Russell? Ouch. Right? Who saw that coming? Not me, certainly not Russell. I guess you saw it coming. I mean you’re the one who broke up with him. 
Jess: Leave Schmidt.
Schmidt: All right, fine I’ll leave but you know what? Know this you’re not the only one hurting here Jessica Day. The economy stinks, bees are dying. Movies are pretty much all sequels now and I have a..
Jess: Don’t say broken penis.
Schmidt: I have a broken penis. Don’t pretend you know my pain. 

(via jessmillerss)

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